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Newly single and lonely

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Newly Single And Lonely

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Learning how to be single again after being in a long relationship can be tough.

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How old am I: 35

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Having recently come out of a year relationship, I've learnt for every benefit of being single, there's a pro to being coupled up. Can someone tell that to the people who keep asking me if I've found a man yet?

I'm not looking for a man! And if anyone falls off that relationship escalator and breaks up, there's a lot of social pressure," says Gemma Cribb, clinical psychologist and author of Doing Single Well. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and after speaking to the experts, I've put together the seven best things about being newly single.

Seeing places you have no interest in, watching a Netflix show you're not a fan of or going to events with people you don't really care about?

I've been embracing my lack of compromise with pizza, unlimited time with my circle of friends and sleeping diagonally across the bed. It's hard not to be influenced by our partner.

1. stay single for three months.

Spending time alone enables us to understand ourselves a whole lot better. Dr Cribb suggests setting aside a day every week or fortnight where you make no plans and have no commitments, chores or obligations.

When you only have your own needs and schedule to think about, you're putting yourself first, explains Dr Cribb. For me, that involved creating a bucket list.

1. give yourself a chance to grieve

It got a little out of hand, so I had to rein it in and apply some structure. I even shared the list with my close family and friends some have ed up to doing activities with me, too. Because of my bucket list I've been able to cross off wine tasting in the Barrossa Valley, kayaking in the Royal National Park, seeing Brene Brown live and booking an overseas trip, all in the space of six months.

Get our newsletter for the best of ABC Everyday each week. Sexologist Tanya Koens says relationship sex versus new-lover sex unlocks a different hormonal response in the body.

Mourning periods can be necessary

When your skin contacts their skin, it sends a flush of hormones around the body which le to lots of spontaneous sex and we become quite adventurous," she says. If it's confidence your lacking, Ms Koens suggests " spending time with your own body first ", so, you can work out what you like and be able to communicate that.

She says just make sure you're negotiating trying new things to ensure it's safe and pleasurable for both partners, because things can change. Juggling the demands of a romantic relationship can affect our platonic relationships, making it tricky and sometimes awkward to reconnect when you're back on the scene.

Update them with what's been happening in your life and suggest that you would be keen to reconnect if they have the time," she says. This year, I've become more connected with my family and my grandparents in particular, learning so much about the history of my ancestors and parts of my culture that I didn't know.

It also means the onus is on you, which is a chance to learn if you ly leant on someone else. I don't know how my mum raised five children with one income, but I wasn't ready to sacrifice my avocado on toast while saving for a house. Having one income doesn't mean you can't achieve the same goals as a couple, it just means you learn to work smarter, not harder.

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I've created a budget for my fortnightly pay, set-up emergency funds and started saving for that house deposit. Climb the ladder or start your side hustlejust make sure you take time out for yourself too.

ABC Everyday helps you navigate life's challenges and choices so you can stay on top of the things that matter to you. We acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the First Australians and Traditional Custodians of the lands where we live, learn and work.

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But I'm learning to embrace those good single vibes. address. My break-up was controlling my life until I took these steps. Why spending time alone can be healing — if you learn to embrace it.

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2. be proactive and protect your feelings

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